
Dear Madam (in row F center):
On behalf of the Arcade Fire and the thousands of fans who attended their show last night at the United Palace in Washington Heights: We are sorry that the performance lacked the quality you have come to expect from the Arcade Fire, as indicated by your consistent Blackberry usage for the show's entirety.
Please be assured that we have referred this matter to our quality assurance division and that they are implementing measures to ensure that Blackberry usage -- including e-mails that read, "Am at the concert, not saying I don't want to..." -- during an Arcade Fire show does not recur. We are sorry that you were unable to enjoy the show as a result of distracting and unnecessary Blackberry usage including that very long e-mail with the liberally yellow-highlighted text that so consumed your interest during "Neighborhood No. 2 (Laika)". Even in those brief moments during "Intervention" when you stored your Blackberry in your pocket, your hand kept fluttering unconsciously behind you to pat the wireless device through the cloth -- as if powerless to resist picking at the itchy scab of your profound dissatisfaction.
Please accept this letter as your gift certificate for a free mp3 of Brit in Brooklyn's copy editor teaching her kitten how to meow along with the chorus of "Wake Up" (you may have heard her practicing,
sans chat, on the A train home from the gig last night). Contact this site's administrator to redeem your gift certificate.
We hope that you will give the Arcade Fire and all their enthusiastic fans another chance to provide you with the quality concert-going experience you deserve. May all your encounters with the Arcade Fire in the future give you nothing but the highest degree of consumer satisfaction as well as the feeling of freedom and confidence you need to cast off your Blackberry shackles, if only for one magic night.
Warmly,
The Staff of Brit in Brooklyn
Labels: music